Tomorrow is Take-off

I leave tomorrow. Long plane ride. Lots of cramped muscles. Dehydration. Feeling like you haven't showered in a long time 5 hours into the trip (but you really did shower that morning). The exhilaration of take-off and landing. Missing family and friends. Eating delicious food...eventually. Keep the wonderful end in sight: nummy, nummy, yummy, wonderful food.
I called my family today to say toodles to them individually. Now I miss them more <3 I am extremely excited about this trip. Korea is where I want to go. I'm going there. I like history and culture and language and food. I will experience these. It's a dream come true.

 I love you. -hugs-


ps lolol looks like as long as I don't write anything about those musicians I like, this blog is SAFE from viewers! Chanchan~! I can use it as a journal and can write all the things I want to and don't have to care if it makes sense or is not as edited as it could be~ Liberation in the form of 0 view counts on my last 10 posts! Wootwoot~ kekeke It actually is a bit of a relief.
Good night. I think I might go to the store and buy a watch.

Preparation

Well, today's Thursday. Tomorrow I check out of campus housing and head over to my uncle's house for the  weekend. On Tuesday, the 30th, I leave for my study abroad in Korea for 2 months. I'll get into the Gimpo/Incheon/Seoul airport the evening of May first and head back for the US on June 24th.
Yesterday JW and YJ invited me and MM over for a super yummy dinner ^_^  They are all such sweet and wonderful friends. I'm going to miss them while I'm gone T.T

I need to clean up my room -_-" but I don't like working in dim lighting and my roommate has control over the blinds.
I'm trying to figure out how I want to use this blog...do I want to use it as a journal? Because I don't want to put in the effort it requires to make it presentable for others' consumption.

Anyway, back to talking about my trip. I can't wait to get there. I would rather not deal with the stiff joints and twitchy legs that comes with extensive plane travel, but a few hours of being uncomfortable is worth an experience I would otherwise not have had.
...I wanted to put some pictures of Seoul on here, but I didn't want to download/save any of the ones I saw on Google. I probably will put some of the pictures I take on here. Maybe. -shrug-

The other people I'll be with on this study abroad also love Korea and Korean. I will be with people who are awesome and amazing. I think they are anyway... There are 10 girls going, none of whom are fluent in Korean. One or two of them has spent time in Korea before.  Wait...I'm almost included in the "been there before" group. It's an almost because it was only 3 or 4 days haha. There are 4 guys, all who are fluent (mostly) in Korean, either having served their missions in Korea or in a Korean speaking mission (one guy went to Australia, Korean speaking). The large number of girls may lead to some squabbles, but I think it'll be okay. I reallyyyyy~~ hope that we are able to work through any disagreements or issues without any real squabbles. It is a relatively small group and we're going to be living in close quarters, pretty much around each-other ALL THE TIME. Tempers will not be welcome.  
Well, I'll have to work on being a happy, patient person! ^.^ If I can do my part in keeping the group peace, then I can work past my own temper. Might not be super easy or pleasant though. But that's the way these go, yes?

I believe I shall go start working on things. I hope you have a pleasant or exciting day.

Life is fun, isn't it?

Yes. It is. Despite the times when I'm not sure what the world I'm doing and I'm confused as all get out, life is fun.

Last fall and this winter/early spring have been two of the toughest "semesters" (this one was literally a semester; last fall wasn't) of my life so far. Last fall I was in Virginia working. This January I started school at Brigham Young University in Provo.

I think they've been tough times because I was finding out more of my flaws ^_^ I discovered I struggle with anxiety. It's manifested itself before, but never so strongly as this semester. I have a hard time staying spiritually strong on my own. Making wise money decisions is not a strong point I have. I allow my missing of people, such as my family, to get in the way of my productiveness.

They've been wonderful times because I have found 2 of the best friends I could ever hope to have. One in Virginia and one here in Utah. In Virginia I also found I love children. I loved them when I was teaching Primary in Missouri as well, but I didn't let myself see that >.<  Being a mom would be rather terrifying, but I believe, with the help of others haha, that I would be able to be a mother.

As I was reading over old posts, because it's been a stinking long time since I've been on here, I was embarrassed by some of the things I wrote (mostly the one where I was super mad at my little sister), but I'm glad I wrote that down. I love her. Yes, she's still a stinker, but I talk to her on the phone sometimes, and she's just an amazing little person and I can only see her growing into a continuously amazing big person. Of course, I don't doubt that there will be future times when we're both frustrated with each other, but I am supremely happy that she likes talking to me and that we miss each other <3

It was rough going back to school after a year of not taking classes. I knew intellectually it probably would be, but it was a bit unpleasant actually experiencing it haha
Despite rough patches (...or rough stretches >_<) this semester has been pretty cool. I have met some really neat people and it's been pretty awesome. My Korean class/section was super cool and I miss it/the people in it.

In nine days I am leaving Utah for South Korea for almost 2 months. I'm going for a study abroad! Super excited and pretty nervous too. Nervous about flying so far on my own, nervous about speaking to people, nervous about social situations in the group. : ) BUT I'm SUPER excited too!
I am sad about leaving my friend here in Utah...she's taking classes here on campus during the spring term. But I'm coming back and we'll both be in Korea sometime in the future \^_^/

on  a side note, I really want to hold a hedgehog. This is not my hand, and I have not yet held a hedgehog. This is a picture I found on a website when I looked up hedgehogs. 

Mad rant

Oh my gosh. The stupid retarded filthy gross cat peed on my bed. again. The THIRD FREAKING TIME!! Twice before I got here, which, yeah, maybe shouldn't count, but I couldn't get the smell out of my air mattress, so it got all over my sheets, and I finally stopped sleeping on the mattress  and either I accidently left the door open (because I've always thought if she could get into my room she'd do something awful; last time she snuck in while I was in the bathroom and popped my air mattress) or whoever returned "my" pillow didn't close my door all the way because sometime today  this afternoon the retard peed on my bed. And it got on my piggy blanket. I don't have simple green/any other kind of deoderizer here so I'm going to have to go get that tomorrow. And the gross thing barfs up hairballs mixed with partially digested food once or twice a week, and I don't care if "it's what cats do"; it's disgusting. I get to clean it up. And I cleaned up the bean bag when Gross peed on it two days in a row. I put the bean bag outside after that. No way I was going to daily clean up pee. ARRGH it makes me so MAD!!! Why?? WHY did she decide she needed to mark my bed???? Her liter box is right down the hallway from my room! And yes, that's gross too. I'm forever getting cat bowel movement smells wafting into my room. MY. BED. lkjdrtgseyut;wiby 34efhqb;kw  Stupid  cat.

Close Friends?

I think that maybe now is the time that I decide for certain whether I want to be known as your best friend or not. I'm leaning towards the not. It's not like I'm going to go talk to you and say "Oh, yeah, you know that whole being best friends thing? Well, I don't want to be your best friend anymore. Sorry."  That's not how I roll. It's more of  personal thing were I just remember that we really aren't all that close and that there are reasons for that absence of closeness. I'm not going to stop being your friend...you haven't done anything to me personally, but there is a person who used to be mutual friend who has already decided to sever ties with you for several reasons. I try and keep an open mind, but I trust this other friend's word more than yours. : /  *sigh* Making these kind of realizations saddens me. Your lifestyle is so opposite of mine...And I realize now that where there are such stark differences it is difficult to understand and support the other.
Hmm... analyzing friendships can help with preparing for marriage and understanding acceptable and unacceptable differences ^_^ I've heard something along that line before, but this might be the first time I truly understand.  Interesting.

Motherhood?

NEVER have I doubted more my "calling" (futuristic) to be a mother. Today was horrible. I'm 15 years older than my littlest sister... WHY why whywhywhywhy is she soooooooo agitating sometimes???? I do believe part of it is being the youngest of 7 and having a niece just a couple years younger than she is; the competition for attention. And another part is that I really don't know how I will ever get control of my temper. This raging anger that comes over me. Makes me yell and scream. Just wanting her to get the stink away and stay away. Just until I feel like I can talk to her without sounding like I want to ship her off to some place else. Maybe I'm the one that needs to get the crow out of town. This (this horribleness) is the part of my that I know exists, and my family knows exists, that almost no one else does. Others don't know this. That is why they think I'm a kind, nice, loving, sweet person. I'm not trying to boast...quite the opposite. Those are adjectives other people have used to describe me. It's because  I know this ugliness is inside of me that I that I almost can't help but laugh when people say stuff like that. I feel like laughing, but it also makes me a little scared...How can they not know? If they don't see this side of me, what sides of others am I not seeing? And I feel like such a hypocrite. Because when they say stuff like that I just...it makes me uncomfortable, but I don't try and tell them opposite. Sometimes I do...but then I feel like they just think I'm being modest falsely.
I don't think I should be  mom. But I feel that if I don't be a mom there will be this gash of emptiness in me for not being a mother. Motherhood is a deep desire of mine...I don't want to be constantly fighting the anger and frustration...I don't want to be an angry mom. I want to be like my mom. Loving and caring to a level that I still cannot comprehend.

After writing that I am much less angry. Now my back just hurts from sitting on my bed without back support. And while I do believe I have an anger issue (I need to research anger problems...) I am slightly reassured by the knowledge that I do not stay mad. If I go to bed upset, frustrated, agitated, I have yet to wake up unhappy. A few hours or some sleeping time and the part of me that is not angry is in control again. My angry self is not in control the majority of the time. Usually my happy(ish) self has the reigns.

Bedtime

I've been letting my bedtimes get out of whack again D:  This is the second night in a row that I've stayed up past 3am....makes the next day heck if I have to get up before 11:30 -_-' I should really get to sleep soon. I had considered writing a post about being pretty (my thoughts about this will be voiced, just not now), but I decided that I had too much to say about that. It would most definitely take me longer than 3-5 minutes to write. I'm actually considering pre-writing it as a word document. Most other bloggers might pre-write their blogs as a separate document, I don't know. I just know that I am not in the habit.
Ah, really quickly before I post this without proof-reading because I REALLY need to put my lil' head down on my super comfy pillow, I want to inform you of my infatuation with the group Nell (넬). They make lovely music, and I really wish I had their albums~~~~ (and my font changed and I don't care enough to get it back the way it was before...it's a little better than it was...maybe it really is the same as it was earlier and I just can't tell?? :P I think I ought to go to bed.
Night to all!
Always, the one who chose the name pyrojumper because of many hours of playing imaginary games where she had fire as her "super" capability and also discovered that she loved flying horses (and riding the horses as they flew). ^.^